Remember Me This Way
by Mightiest Chick
Summary: I don't own the Ducks, just my imagination which contains them. It's a slash story and my first posted, hope you like.
1. Chapter 1

Have you ever wondered what it'd be like to love someone? Have you ever asked yourself if you were capable of love? Have you ever been in love? Why am I in love?

Love is mostly conflicting emotions, where your not sure what you feel but how strongly you feel it. Love makes you feel like you're floating on air, dancing in the clouds. I've never felt so alive. 

Every time he walks into the room, I can't help but smile. Every time he looks my way, I can't help but think it's because he wants to see me. Every time he looks in my eyes, I can't help but think I see longing, though it's never there. Every time he speaks to me, I can't help but think that his voice becomes gentler, almost loving. Every time he's around me, I have to remind myself that he doesn't want me. 

Adam Banks is a strong person. The last thing he needs is to worry about loving someone. He's an amazing man. So strong, powerful, confident, like he feels he owns the world. But sometimes I think he needs the love, he needs to be needed, because everyone longs to feel needed.

Sometimes I feel so strongly for him, that if I move, I'll break. I'm fragile and I know that, I'd fall if he knew I loved him. He knows that I can be… I don't know, weak, at times because he's seen me like that. But if I were to tell him how much I feel for him as more than a friend, I'd think I'd become scared and run away, never let him find me. 

It seems like he cares for me a lot. When I'm sick, he's usually the one to come to me with soup and games, just to hang out. When I'm hurt, he comes with ice packs and we just sit and talk. When I'm scared, and he knows it, he'll sit by me and hold my hand till I feel okay about it. And when I'm in pain, crying, he'll hold me and let me cry on his shoulder. But that's only because we're best friends.

I'm scared to tell him how I feel. I'm scared to tell anyone, though I really need to talk to someone about this. I want to tell him, but… I don't want to be rejected and I don't want him to not want to be my best friend, if my friend at all. And I don't want him to not want me on the team. Hockey's my life next to him, and if I can't have him, I need Hockey.

A knock on the door startled me out of my thinking. I got up from where I sat at my computer and walked to the door. I opened it to find Deirdre, Guy's girlfriend and one of my best friends.

"Hey, Charlie." She said. "Can I come in?" I opened the door for her.

"Hey, Deirdre. What's up?" I asked walking back to my computer. 

"Nothing really. I just wanted to talk to you. Have you been feeling okay? You've been acting a little weird lately." She stated her observation pulling a chair from the other side of the room next to me.

"I'm fine, I've just been a little out of it. I guess it's because we're graduating tomorrow." I made a white lie that was half truthful. 

"Yeah, and we thought it was amazing you made it to senior year, now you're actually graduating!" She exclaimed wrapping her arms around my neck.

"Deirdre." I choked.

"What?" She asked hearing my muffled voice.

"Air." I said and she immediately let go. "I know you're proud of me, but please, show it in another way, I'd prefer to live." I joked. She laughed but her face turned to concern soon after.

"What's that email say?" She asked. 

"Oh, uh, nothing, don't worry about it." I said quickly clicking it off the screen. 

"You're not going to college?" She asked. "You weren't accepted?" 

"What? That's not what that said." I defended myself.

"Then show me that email." She said. I was trapped.

"Fine, no, I wasn't accepted and I'm not going to college. I'm just going to go backpacking through Europe. You know, take a year off to have an adventure before I try my hand at college again." I said shutting down AOL and walking to my bed.

"But, Charlie. Why'd you tell us all you got into NYU?" She asked.

"Because it was a school that no one who I knew was going to. I did it so you guys would think I was smart enough to get into college. I'm moving to New York anyway so I just thought it worked." I said. I'm a loser, I know. 

"Charlie, we all know you're smart. You don't need to make up things for our sake. But you're not the only one not going to college. Julie's being drafted to the minors and so is Adam!" God, I really didn't need to hear his name right now.

"But they're being drafted, they have reasons not to go to college. I wasn't even considered." I sat back down in my chair after yelling at her in a fit of rage. It was true, I had nowhere to go and nowhere to be in my life and the sad thing was it that no one knew how much that hurt. 

"Charlie, just because you weren't drafted yet doesn't mean you won't be. You're an amazing player, your only problem is that you can be a puck-hog. But not everyone can get drafted on first notice, sometimes better things come when you're not expecting them." Deirdre said to me. I have to admit, she is good with words. 

"I guess you're right." But like I said before, everyone longs to be needed…..

"Charlie's not going to college." Deirdre said.

"What?" My water came flying out of my mouth. "He told me he was." I said.

"He told us all he was going to NYU, Adam. But, he lied." Deirdre spoke again. 

"Why would he lie to me?" I asked aloud.

"He told me he didn't want us to think he was stupid or something, not being able to go to college." She sat on Portman's bed across from mine.

"But I'm not going, neither is Julie." I said. I don't understand this. Why would Charlie feel the need to lie to me? He knows I'm his friend, hell, we're best friends, but why didn't he tell me?

"But you and Julie are being drafted. He said he wasn't even considered. I think he's on a path of no return. He's never lied to us before." Deirdre said.

"Are you worried about him?" I asked. In all truth, I'm scared when it comes to him; I never know what to think. 

"Yeah, aren't you?" She asked.

"No, it's his life and he could lie to us he if wanted it's not like it changes our lives." I said. I don't really see a big deal, but… I understand why she's worried.

"It changes ours if he gets hurt. Uh, just, please, talk to him? I'd feel a lot better if you did." Deirdre said standing up and walking towards the door. I followed and stopped her as soon as she walked out the door. 

"I promise I'll talk to him in a little bit." I said and shut the door.

Sometimes I'm sick of worrying about Charlie. No one seems to notice that I need to be cared for too. I mean, Charlie's practically my only friend, the others only talk to me when they need something or when something's wrong. But, I'm as fragile as he is, maybe even more.

I always make an act where I'm okay, stable. But I'm not. I'm normally moping around the room when Portman's not here. I'm depressed a lot. I mean, have you ever felt like you were in love? My love's unreachable though. 

I, Adam Banks, am in love with Charlie Conway.


	2. Chapter 2

Adam's P.O.V.

I knocked on the door, not knowing if Charlie was in his room or not. I heard a bang then a moan of pain, then Charlie's husky voice. "Hang on." He called from where ever it was he was. "Hey, Banks." He opened the door to let me in.

"Hey, Charlie. You okay?" I asked noticing him holding his left hip.

"Just peachy. Fell off the bed." He explained and I stifled a laugh. "So, what's up?" He asked me sitting back on his bed.

"What's up? Hmm… Why don't you tell me?" I asked accusingly.

"What? What do you mean?" He asked.

"Why did you tell me you were going to college?" Where do I get off yelling at him?

"Because I am." He answered. Oh, that just got to me even more. 

"What? No you're not. Deirdre told me what she saw. I know you're not going." I sat down next to him, trying to ignore my rapid heart beat and fast breathing. Something gave me the feeling that it was because I was sitting with Charlie on his bed. "Why did you lie to me?" I asked calmly, almost positive that he could see the hurt in my eyes and in my voice.

"I wanted you guys to think I was smart." He sounded like he was ashamed. He spoke while turning to face the wall on the other side of his four-walled room, leaning his elbows on his knees for support to hold his head.

"Charlie, you are smart."

"Huh." He breathed in and out quickly, pushing away my compliment.

"Look at me. Charlie." I reached over and grabbed his face with my hand and turned him to look at me, but he avoided my eyes. "You are very smart. Smarter than everyone I know. Just because you didn't get into the colleges of your choice doesn't mean anything. Look me in the eyes, come on." I pulled at his face, determined for him to look into my eyes, until his crystal blue ones locked with mine. Blue to blue. "Thought about community college?" I asked hopefully.

"Uh-huh, but I want to get out of this godforsaken town. I'm sick of it here in Minnesota. I'm going to New York with or without college." He said stubbornly. That's my Charlie. Wait a sec, MY Charlie?

"It's good that you feel that way, but do you have any idea of what you'll do when you get there? Are you going to apply to a college there? Are you going to live in the city or the suburbs? Have you thought about any of these things?" I asked letting go of his face when he stood and walked to his computer.

"I have a job waiting for me, and I already went once to look at apartments in the city. Until I find one I like, I'm going to live with my uncle. I know what I'm doing and what I'm going to do. I'm going to wait a year before I try college again." He said. Good, at least he knows what he wants to do and what he's going to do.

"Will I be able to come and visit?" I asked hopefully. I don't think I could wait till the ten-year high school reunion. 

"You better, every time the Devils are in New York. You'll live close enough." He laughed.

Charlie's P.O.V.

I can't believe I just told Banksie all that. I'm not going to be living with my uncle, hell I don't even know if I have an uncle. The job? There is no job. I'm just going to be New York City scum. I don't think there's a job more perfect for me than that. 

I just, I don't want him to look at me differently, act differently around me. I love this man and I don't want anything to ruin what we have now, friendship.

Uh, can't he see I can't live without him? This guy almost always catches my hidden meanings, my confessions, and my lies. Can't he just see now that I can't live without him, that I need him to survive? 

"Thanks for coming to talk to me man, I appreciate it." I walked back over to where he was now standing and patted him on the shoulder. "I'll see you tomorrow." I said. Ah, graduation.

"No problem, see ya, Charlie." He called leaving my room, the door slamming shut behind him. 

I threw myself on my bed and buried my head in the pillow. How can I lie to him? God, I just want him to see how much I love him. I just want to tell him that I need him. That I could fill the hole in his heart, cover the longing, making him feel like he's not complete.

I believe that everyone is one soul split into two, and the other half is there soul mate. I believe that if you can find that other half, you've found the ultimate love; you've made yourself complete. And I have never felt as complete as I do when I'm around Banks. I know he's my other half.

Great, now I'm crying.

Adam's P.O.V.

I winced as I heard the door slam shut behind me. Why do I have the feeling Charlie's not telling me the truth? Uh, I can forget it now; it's his life he has to live, not mine. 

I stuffed my hands in my pockets and left the school grounds, walking anywhere and everywhere I felt like being. I was wrapped up in my thoughts when I found myself at our old elementary school playground. I walked up to the swings and sat down, swinging ever so slightly. It must have been more than two hours since I left Charlie's room.

"I remember when we were in pre-school. Before Hockey, before Hawks, before Ducks, we were friends. Up till fourth when you joined the Hawks and I didn't make the team. But, when we were younger, we always came to each other, to talk about whatever we needed to or wanted to talk about. So please, let me talk to you now." I turned around at the sudden voice. The man walked around the sandbox, coming up to sit on the swing next to me.

"Charlie." My words were caught in my throat. He put his hand up to stop me from talking.

"I'm not going to New York for a job, for anything for that matter. I was just upset because both you and Julie were accepted to colleges and were both drafted, so I lied about college since I very well couldn't lie about being drafted. I felt like I got dealt the short hand of the deck. You see, all I've ever wanted to do, was play hockey with you, and now, you're going off to the New Jersey Devils and I'm going to New York, for nothing." He explained, swinging slowly. 

"There's no job? No uncle? No apartment?" I asked. I was upset that he lied to me again, but I wanted to know the truth about everything. 

"None of it's true. I have no where to go." He whispered.

"Then you'll have to stay here, at least till you find a place." I spoke to him. I felt so bad now, I knew something wasn't right before but I so desperately wanted to be wrong about what it was.

"My mom gave me a plane ticket to New York for my graduation gift, I'm using it to go there. I'm gonna spend as much time as I need till I find a job and an apartment, then I'll come back to get my stuff and graduation money, and I'm never coming back. I have everything planned out, but I just couldn't say it back there. I needed to think for a little while." 

"I'll give you all the time you need to think, just don't lie to me, please." I begged him. It hurt me when he was hurt and it hurt me even more when he lied to me. He had been shutting me out; he hasn't done that since I was placed on Varsity in freshman year.

Charlie's P.O.V.

"I won't." I can't. 


End file.
